I have previously written about my struggle with forgiveness when it comes to church hurt over being LGBTQ, and today I have a bit of an update to share with you. If you haven’t read the previous article, I was very hurt about how some in the church have treated both our community and me personally, and despite knowing that I should forgive I just couldn’t.
Today in church one of our leaders had a word to share with us and before she did, our pastor suggested that we clear out anything that’s wrong in our walk with God. He gave us space and time to pray and to connect with God and he suggested that we hand over anything that we feel that God is challenging us over. My thoughts turned to this and to how I have struggled to move on from the hurt caused by some people that I care deeply about, when I announced my same-sex marriage. I have been trying to move on from this for a while and my immediate response was that I have given that to God many times, he just hasn’t taken it. But then I felt God challenge me, asking if I’ve really given it to him. The truth is, I hadn’t. I’d said it, but in my heart I’ve kept hold of it. I don’t immediately know why that is and it may be something that I never really understand, but for now I feel like I can draw a line under alot of ‘stuff’ and move on.
After this, the sermon was about being generous, but not in a financial way or even in a serving way, but being generous with each other. The preacher talked about being generous with how we interact with others who may act and feel differently to us and she talked about giving each other love even though we may strongly disagree with them. I felt really challenged by this as although the way some Christians treat our community isn’t very generous, how I have responded isn’t particularly generous either. It does work both ways and although it’s really difficult, Jesus instructed us to turn the other cheek. I’ll be honest, I’m not particularly good at that but I do feel that God has highlighted it to me as something that I need to work on.